Mar
17
Know When To Fold
March 17, 2006 | |
There were things said after and things said before and words left hanging in between, but what I can most remember about mentally quitting my job today was his Zoloft façade; Two vacant windows upon a poker face that I was too tired or too un-inspired to read. After all, the hand I’d been dealt was meaningless. I had nothing left to loose.
The fact that I even gave a shit about this job more was the bluff of a life-time, and he called it. Suddenly the weight of my unaffectedness became so burdensome, the cash payout meant less than nothing. I’d ‘ve rather be struck by lightening than sleepwalk through another day of corporate slavery. Hell, my bags were packed already. Mentally I’d already cleaned house. Un-locked the shackles, spread my wings. But just to ease his jilted ego, I’ll let him believe I folded.
Had I played my cards right, I most likely would have walked from the table a richer girl. But at this point, my pride was worth more than a few thousand dollars.
And for all of you who know me, who have heard my broken record sobstory for far too long–let us all raise our glasses tonight in celebratory bliss:
The indentured servant has finally wriggled free of the shackles, or shall I say,
escaped solitary confinement to a caricature I was playing the imposter of
for the past 7 years.
When I walked out today at 1148am, I wondered where the hell I was headed, and what direction I should take. My future was more uncertain than it had ever been.
However, all the fear was a gamble I was completely willing to risk.
That subtle lightness I encountered as I emerged from the one thousand times recycled air of the Empire State Building, made it all worthwhile.
Suddenly I was free.
Finally I could breathe.
Although directionless and without a future to rely upon, I found myself swimming through the realm of possibility that I chose to be my New Life.
So many are tortured by the fear of what remains behind the door of everything that is not out everyday. The torturous routine. And we wonder, what would it be like
to feel that
and be this
and experience just for a moment, a world beyond our dome of limitation.
Well, today my friends I have crossed over.
I have walked the tightrope and tumbled to the ground.
And the report from the pavement is quite sunny because at the end of the day,
there exists a net to break your fall,
whether or not you choose to believe it.
Fear may prevent you from believing it-but the laws of nature remain intact:
A body in motion will stay in motion, and a body of rest will stay at rest.
All I can say now, is that the velocity of this transition has given me wings,
Today I have found myself at the bottom of my fate,
And there is nowhere left to soar-
But up. (More)
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